• Hair

Guy Hair, Surprisingly Tough

South Melbourne hair salonIt is I, Georgina Glass, and…wow, male hair can be really stubborn. I used to look at all the guys in my life and think about how easy they have it, but now that I’ve been helping out my friend with a hair project, my views are starting to change. For the better, I hope.

So most of my job is just sitting there while Charleine does my hair; it’s a uni thing and she needed a model. Not that I mind, because I end up with fabulous hair for free, but she and her colleagues talk about their jobs, and she was saying this morning how she had to deal with a guy who had REALLY thick hair and it took so long.

And the other girl said she was doing a bit of intern work down at a hair salon located in the Melbourne CBD and she had the same. A guy came in with short-but-curly hair and it was just a nightmare to tame, even using the best products they had on-hand. And you know, I just hadn’t thought about it like that. My amazing BF has amazing hair, but I’ve always just looked at it and thought…meh. It’s short, so it has to be easy. Then Charleine tells me that sometimes it’s easier for hairdressers to work on long hair, since it has the weight and just falls down instead of being wiry and stubborn. So if I was a hairdresser and I saw a woman walk through the door with long, luscious locks that fell to her waist, and a guy with just average-length wavy hair…no, actually that does make sense. Different hairstyles, different challenges. Especially if the guy hasn’t usd proper product or been washing his hair properly, in which case even the most talented hairdresser has a fight on their hands.

This HAS been eye-opening. Now, whenever I walk around trying to find the best hairdresser in South Melbourne, I’ll think of their many and varied challenges. And maybe guys as well, for those with the truly stubborn follicles.

-Georgina

Our New Kingdom Shall Need Great Lights

energy efficient home lightingI’ve been given a very important job, and that’s to research lighting.

Obviously, this is going to be an absolute essential in our future moon kingdom. I’ve been doing a bit of extra research on lunar days, and it would appear that even if we established our colony in the perfect position to receive the most light, we will still be in the grip of night time for fourteen days out of every month…or something. Not that you can trust science on anything. They’re the ones saying that a moon colony is impossible, even though our dear leader has clearly stated that it is possible.

Which means that lights will be absolutely paramount, both to establish a proper sleep cycle and not make people feel like they are caught in a dark and gloomy cycle. We’re not just talking bright, LED floodlights either. The lighting in our new kingdom must rival the special, custom-made designer LED lighting in Melbourne, with every piece of light artwork in and of itself. Perhaps we should organise a design competition, seeing as our light sources will be so very important. Perhaps they will even be a cornerstone of culture, much like how flame was before we invented such things as LED lighting to illuminate the darkness of night, allowing us to read books under the covers and play sport while getting consumed by mosquitos.

I’m certainly not going to miss the scourge of mosquitoes on the moon, mark my words. Such a great many awful things will be swept away, which is a large part of the reason we are ascending to our glorious new moon kingdom. All things shall be as new, including our very hearts and minds. And our lights, obviously.

Still, designer though they may be, there must still be an element of power. I shall have to research home energy efficient lighting solutions in Melbourne, see how to balance elegance and efficiency. For the glory and comfort of our new home, I shall not fail.

-Erik

Life on the Houseboat

outboard motor servicesSleep-easy tea really has been a lifesaver. How many times have I brushed past it on the shelf, thinking it was a scam? Like…tea can’t help you sleep. Placebo rubbish, that’s what I used to think. And then I started renting a houseboat, and I really had to do my research on sleeping methods because as it turns out, I cannot sleep with the ocean below me, as it turns out. But i did my research, found out that sleep-easy tea actually does, physically aid with sleep, and now I almost can’t sleep without it. Remind me to look into breaking THAT addiction at some point…

A houseboat is just a new experience overall. For example, I now know that Melbourne’s anchor winch industry is surprisingly strong and well-known. There’s not one single reason I would’ve known that if I hadn’t been living here, but here we are, and I need to know stuff like that. I don’t actually pilot (?) the boat, but I have to know how to keep it in good repair, and I’d rather not be drifting off into the sea during the night if there’s a freak storm. Hence…the anchor issue. Motor repair is also something to think about. And folks that live around the docks are just a different breed, from what I’ve seen so far. They were the ones that put me onto the sleeping tea to begin with, which was a sign that they don’t have the inner-city mentality of never talking to each other. Nice folks, and very open. I’ve been around to my neighbour’s place for coffee a few times already, and they don’t seem to care about it being on short notice, unlike everywhere else I’ve lived. It’s a good thing too, because when it comes to getting your outboard motor servicing done in Melbourne, I would have zero clue where to start. It’s good to have friends. It’s also great to be able to sleep as well.

-V

I Know ALL About Designer Goods

designer lightingI, for one, cannot understand why anyone would buy a home without golden taps. I’ve heard that the common folks make do with silver- or some kind of faux silver- but I don’t know how you could. How often would you have to look at them and just feel…disappointed? Such a lack of sheen. Such a disappointment in terms of the exuberance of wealth.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand common trends, to be honest. I was talking to Vera about this at the book club the other day- heaven knows we don’t have anything ELSE to talk about, since we haven’t moved off ‘A Scandalous Affair’ in about four months- and she said that it’s only now that Melbourne’s designer lighting industry is truly taking off, making elegant things accessible to the masses. And I could tell you a thing or two about my mixed feelings on *that*.

It’s true, lighting is a bit of a hobby of mine. Running the house takes up a lot of time, but if I could be said to have a hobby, it’s a bit of home design. I could do it for a job, were I not so busy. Isn’t that the commoner’s dream? To make a career out of the thing you love? Of course, it’s not quite so simple. I have the money, the skill and the determination to make my career out of telling people what to do with their homes. I just lack the time.

As it stands, I’ll just have to be content with improving the standard of our own home, keeping the lighting up to date and making sure the workers are doing what we pay them for. Nice to know that commercial lighting services in Melbourne are getting a bit of recognition, however. And if anyone ever needs advice on their lighting needs, I’m happy to help. It’s a service I quite enjoy.

The Great Musical Pioneers

Lorne hotelNo one said pioneering a new form of music was going to be easy. But then, all the great inventors in history were scoffed at, right before they went on the change the world and thus rub it all in the faces of the people who’d been mocking them.

That’s what I’m hoping to do with our new band: Smooth Skull Melody. It’s a daring hybrid of screamo, jazz and neo-classical, with hints of alternative rock. SSM is going to be recognised as a daring experiment in the future, and one that started a melodic revolution. But for now…we’re just giving free shows on the beach. And getting kicked out.

Our band formed in Lorne, where accommodation is plentiful and perfect for holiday-goers. With such a diverse crowd from all around the place, it seemed like the perfect place to do a bit of busking, get a feel for the crowd and even spread the word all over the country, if people wanted to buy our CDs. There are plenty of buskers in Lorne; it’s all part of the holiday charm. People don’t usually set up a full band, though…and even though there are only three of us, it’s a lot of equipment. A full drum kit, for one thing. Amps for our guitars and cellos. And that trombone is pretty heavy, all things considered.

Still, we’ve secured our spot as part of Lorne’s entertainment. People coming to visit the Great Ocean Road and staying in nice hotels have their experience expanded by our avant garde music! Until the local police tell us to turn it down or get out.

See, this is what I mean about people not understanding. If I’d booked a Lorne hotel, I’d be HAPPY to be treated to an amazing musical experience while I stroll along the beach. This must be exactly how Galileo felt.

-Jupe

One Day, All Shall Be Part of My Kingdom

property advocateEvery year I end up at this housing conference, and every year I end up humiliated. Not in any major public way, but…it’s enough. I keep telling people that I’m going to ascend to a position of great importance, then it never actually happens. Still here. Doing the same job. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a secretary, but I conveniently keep bumping into the same people. Claire Jones from Brisbane, who now owns her own real estate firm. Good for you, Claire.

Alistair Johns, who I think has something to do with buyers advocates in Melbourne. I can’t say for sure what he does, only that it sounds terribly important and involves bumping elbows with all the housing superstars. I mean, let’s be honest: buyers advocates have the cushiest jobs that I can think of. Not that it’s easy or anything, but it IS nice to find the dream home for you clients. Oh, you need to find a really nice home? Just let me walk around some premium properties, see what I can find. If it were me I’d spend my days lounging around luxury homes pretending I was rich. You get all personal with the clients, get some walking and travelling in…man, that’d be GREAT.

And here’s me. Still just…being a lowly secretary. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a secretary, and I don’t think I’m too bad at it. 90 WPM, the highest rate of typing in the office. I can give you the low-down on the property ladder anywhere within a thirty kilometre radius of here. I do my research, basically. One day I’ll come to the conference and wear a big, shiny badge that says what I do..and that will be something important. Maybe I’ll be an estate agent team leader. Wouldn’t mind being a property advocate. Melbourne could always use more of those, right?

-Chip

The best heating for the tenants

gas heating CanberraEverything I do, I do for my tenants. Everything I say, I say with the tenants in mind, and now my livelihood, and everything I care about, is tied up in this building manager job. My job is to keep them happy but right now, the apartments are too cold.

They have been freezing for a few days now and there has been little I could do about it now that I’m no longer in charge of the central heating repairs anymore. Our maintenance guy Tim wanted to take over the servicing and so he was placed in charge of that.

When Tim quit it meant nobody was taking care of the gas heating. Canberra can get ridiculously cold in the dead of Winter, especially in the mornings. I’m not entirely sure what broke the camel’s back so to speak, but I’m pretty sure that overuse of the heating may have been partly to blame. I heard that the fish tank in the lobby had a layer of ice on top this morning.

It’s been monstrously cold these last few weeks, and moving from place to place has not been kind to the tenants, nor to the heaters installed in the apartments. They have been overdue for a service for a while now, it was just a matter of time before they started to breakdown.

It’s tough out there without a warm room to come home to, which is why everyone has been yelling at me to get their heating fixed. I like to think I’m friends with all my neighbours but how quickly the claws come out when things don’t go to plan. It’s not as if I personally went to each of their apartment and took away their heat!  It’s not even technically my job anymore to fix things, but there is nobody else.

I better get in touch with the heating services and repairs company, Canberra is getting any warmer any time soon. In the meantime, I’ll make sure everyone has enough blankets and stuff.

Addicted to the Idiot Box

TV antenna MelbourneI’m not really one for documentaries, but they can interest me on the odd occasion. Maybe it’s a med-student thing. I see something about gross medical procedures and I’m all like ‘sign me up!’. It’s basically studying, yeah?

This one wasn’t anywhere near the levels of grossness that I’ve seen in the past, but it was so hair-raising that I just had to give it a go. It was a docu-drama, actually. It was called Shame of Groans, and it was all about the effects on your body if you force yourself to go into work while you were feeling ill. Lots of people do it because they’re workaholics, and it really takes a toll after a while.

Thing is…my TV signal is out. I’ve scoured Melbourne for antenna repair because I NEED to find out what happens, and my housemate said that I can just look it up on the internet but they clearly don’t understand. I may be a millennial, but I’m old-fashioned. There’s a scintillating thrill to watching something as it comes out, at the time of airing, at the same time as everyone else who’s doing the same thing. I can imagine this is how people felt in the fifties, when television was new and everyone rushed home at the end of work to watch something politically-incorrect, because that’s all that was on TV at the time. It’s a thrill. Yep, maybe I was born in the wrong generation or something.

Stupid docu-drama, getting me hooked. At this point I’ll end up binge-watching it online, breaking all my principles, not getting any sleep and going into uni feeling terrible. And then I shall have the shame of groans. But it’s not going to happen, if I find myself a decent TV antenna in Melbourne. I like the show, but I don’t want to be a part of it, if you know what I mean.

-Simon

Window Repairs on Standby for a Few Years

aluminium window repairBaby’s first broken window. We should probably take a proud-parent picture and add it to the album, but I don’t think Sarah would approve since it gave her the fright of her life. On the plus side of it all, we now know two things: first that Oscar is going to one day represent Australia in the shotput event- seriously, one good fling from his high chair and his cup went straight through the kitchen window-  and also that he takes after his father.

I had the record for broken windows back when we used to live in Christmas Hills, and so far as I know it’s never been broken. I didn’t start quite as young as Oscar, but back when I was about two I chucked my Dad’s British Bulldog statue right through the window in the garage. No one in Christmas Hills did window repair; Melbourne people had to be called in, and it was a bit of a drive for them. Some people don’t count that one since I was still too young to understand the concept of a window and why being able to see through it doesn’t mean objects will just pass through unimpeded. That’s a lie, though. I was a wily child with a craving for destruction, and those were just my humble beginnings.

They tend to all blur together, but I do remember that my next conquest was the banana factory at the other end of the park. Aiden Curry told us all that it was secretly a government facility where they experimented on aliens and sometimes kids if they could get away with it, and I couldn’t let that one slide. Best throw of my life, an overripe pear right through one of the top windows. Got in big trouble for that one.

That one really set me off, and after then it was a steady chain of impulsive decisions ending in calling the window replacement people, who got to know my parents and gave us discounts in the end. Still…record holder.

Speaking of which, we need some of the ol’ Melbourne aluminium window repair for us. If Oscar is that much like me, it won’t be the last time.

-Wesley

Sally Sure Does Get Up to a Lot

LED lighting for businessEverything has to be educational nowadays, clearly. We used to read vapid novels about kids learning to be friends and climbing fences and getting scraped knees, but now even the younger reader stuff is teaching them how the voting system works. I picked up a book my niece was reading, and the title was Sally and the Very Corrupt Civil Servant. It was all about a seven-year-old girl uncovering and exposing a major case of embezzlement in the criminal justice system. Gee, and here’s me having read the old Looking After Babies Club books back when I was younger, and being totally absorbed with the characters getting into petty fights and trying cigarettes behind the bike sheds.

You need some sort of degree to write these things, nowadays. This is only one is a huge series of Sally’s misadventures, with the final page of this one promising that Sally would return in Sally and the Investigation into the Environmental Sustainability of Commercial LED Lighting. Found that one on my niece’s shelf as well, and all purveyors of LED lighting will be happy to know that LED lighting comes off better than you’d expect. Sally initially thinks that it might be at the centre of an international terrorist plot to pollute the water supply and control the citizens by way of LED-induced mind control, but she later discovers that energy-saver bulbs are actually to blame, having been modified by the Illuminati to make people want to buy their off-brand toilet paper. In the end, it was all a money-making scam.

And then there’s this weird finale where Sally (who is, as I have mentioned, seven years old) goes and infiltrates the lair of the Illuminati with an agent from the commercial LED sector, because I guess commercial LED is really serious business. Maybe it’s just because I’m not a child, but I’m really confused about the message they’re putting forward here…

-Dalia

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