It’s your boy, the Glass Smashing Bandit, back from a short holiday and ready to compete on the second season of Australia’s Next Top Office. I’ll be wearing a mask the whole time to add a sense of mystery to the show, which has been approved by the producers. When I pitched it to them, they fell in love with the idea.
I know what you’re wondering. Why would the Glass Smashing Bandit agree to go on a reality show for three months, designing offices instead of smashing glass, as his name suggests? The thing is, to design the best offices I’m going to be smashing windows and fitting new ones. Sounds like my kind of thing, no? I get to raise some awareness for my cause and Not Flicks gets people tuning in just in case my mask slips off and they see my face. It’s a win-win.
Believe it or not, I actually did a few uni subjects in commercial office design concepts. Melbourne universities will let you study anything. That was before I got into glass smashing and working for Channel 17, obviously. Even started my own business before deciding I liked breaking glass more.
I should be honest, though. There is a lot of heat on me at the moment, so I definitely have an ulterior motive for proving that I could perform the best Melbourne office interior fitouts, if I wanted to. Those detectives, Schlock Homes and Jon Whatson are pretty close on my trail. It wouldn’t hurt to get away to an island somewhere and design the best offices I can. And if I win, all previous crimes are pardoned. That’s just a bonus because as soon as the show is over I’ll go back to smashing glass. It’s what I love, after all.
I don’t know if any of the others have made their code word obvious, but I’ll give you mine for free. Just messing with you. Nobody will know my code word.